Parent/Teacher Conferences

Yesterday I attended my oldest daughter's parent/teacher conferences. (My youngest daughter's school has not returned any of my correspondence despite the fact that I am entitled to my children's school records per the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act) I found out that she is doing very well in school and the teachers enjoy having her as a student. I met with her regular teacher as well as her gym, art, music, and computer teachers.

I'm not sure how much of my situation they are aware of, but this year's conferences were much different than last year. Last year the school tried to obstruct my access to my daughter's educational activities. I can understand how there could be some concern as my ex-wife is fairly convincing in her stories of how she thinks that I "may" be dangerous, but the school's policy states that they will provide the student's records to both parents unless there is a protective order stating otherwise. There was, and still is, no protective order so I continued to be persistent in staying engaged in my daughter's scholastic life. It was only after I mentioned consulting a lawyer that the school began to provide me with some of my daughter's records. Last year, the parent/teacher conferences had a heavy fog of tension in the air. This year was much different.

Yesterday's conferences went very well. Last year the school principal kind of gave the impression that she felt that I was some kind of diabolical madman who was on a lifelong quest to terrorized the mother of my children. This year I was treated like a parent. I guess the principal figured out that I wasn't attending parent/teacher conferences to further an evil plot to take over the world; I was just there to check on my daughter's progress like any other parent. I don't know what she told the other teachers about my situation but they were very calm and relaxed. They obviously didn't appear threatened by my presences and they didn't contact the police as my ex-wife instructed them to do. I don't know if the principal told them that I wasn't able to see the children. Maybe the principal told them that I am not the madman that my ex-wife continues to portray me to be. Maybe the school has figured out the tragic reality that my daughter was deprived of a father out of the spiteful and vindictive actions of others. I do know that the mood definitely changed.

My daughter is doing great in school. Her gym teacher said she was fearless. When I told him about some of the more extreme activities that we did, he smiled and said that he figured that had probably been the case. He said my daughter sometimes finds the gym activities to be boring. He thought that she may have been exposed to a higher level of physical challenge. In fact all the teachers said she welcomed a challenge. That's we always worked on. We competed in almost every aspect of life. Running to the car, video games, playing soccer, dance contests... you name it. We also focused on how we shouldn't blame other people for problems; because it's easier just to fix them and move on.

The most bittersweet moment of the conference was when her computer teacher said she was way ahead of the other children. The teacher said my daughter finished her work early that day and was helping other classmates with their computers. She said my daughter even knew how to do basic tasks on Microsoft Word like changing fonts. Of course she does. I taught her how to do that when she printed out name tags for her pre-school class nearly two years ago. My daughters were taken from me when they were 3 and 5 years of age and they already had their own laptops and knew how to navigate between some web pages. The depressing thing about my daughter's advanced computer skills is that I was punished for teaching my daughters how to use computers. Page 6 of the final decree states that I was "even instructing the children on how to use computers and to access the internet." Rather than assume that I was teaching my children the skills necessary to excel in life, they just assumed that it was part of my diabolical scheme to teach the children how to use computers and read at a high level so they would be able to read my internet content in a few years. Why would I want to waste time teaching my daughters how to read the websites that I have created when I could be teaching them how to design their own websites? Whatever the case is, not only is my daughter ahead of the other kids in her computer class, she understands her responsibility to help others along.

Things are definitely moving forward. I would hate to waste the time of my daughter's teachers but if my ex continues to claim that I present any emotional or physical danger to my children, I'll have to subpoena the teachers to testify as to how my daughter is confident, caring, and fearless, and demonstrate how many of our old activities helped my daughter excel in the things that she is doing now. Obviously I contributed something to the development of my daughters as it is evident that my oldest daughter is benefitting from the things that she learned from her father before he was taken away over a year ago. That's why I have to continue to work to get back into their lives so I can continue to contribute. Don't worry girls, daddy is still working hard to be your dad.

My daughter's preschool threatened to expel her because I requested records per the Federal Educational Rights to Privacy Act

Threatening (adj) - 1) Tending or intended to menace 2) Causing alarm, as by being imminent; ominous; sinister. That’s the definition provided by Dictionary.com. That’s also the word that my youngest daughter’s preschool used in describing my behavior in my request for my daughter's records.

I recently found out that “someone” was trying to hold me in contempt of court and one of the issues was that I contacted my daughters’ schools. The Parent/Student handbook of my oldest daughter’s school states, “The school abides by the provisions of the Buckley Amendment with respect to the rights on non-primary caregiving parents. In the absence of a court order to the contrary, St. XX School will provide the non-primary caregiving parent with access to the academic records and to other school-related information regarding the child. If there is a court order specifying that there is to be no information given, it is the responsibility of the primary caregiver to provide the school with an official copy of that court order.” The Buckley Amendment is the Federal Educational Rights to Privacy Act (FERPA) which states that parents are entitled to their children’s school records unless there is a court order stating otherwise. St. XX School has been providing me with the school records of my oldest daughter. My other daughter’s preschool, XX child care and kindergarten, has failed to respond to my correspondence.

Apparently my daughter’s preschool has threatened to expel my daughter because they do not want “to be involved in domestic disputes and put [their] staff in situations that [they] feel uncomfortable.” The school director went on to state in the letter my ex-wife submitted to Court, “We understand the need for a parent to be involved in the life of their children; however, going about it in a threatening manner seems counterproductive. We are asking for a swift resolution to this situation in order to maintain your children’s enrollment in this center.”

Nothing says “no child left behind” more than “we will expel your children if their parents do not get along.” Over the course of a year, I have sent the school approximately three letters requesting my daughter’s records and an appointment to meet with my daughter’s teacher. After my daughter’s first day of school this year, her mother sent me a pamphlet from my daughter’s teacher that stated, “Education is a partnership between home and school. I value parent involvement at every level and encourage you to partner with me. In order for this partnership to be effective, we need to be able to communicate.” “Please feel free to call the school or write a note if you have concerns or questions about your child. I am available at 12:30 p.m. each day for a phone call or conference.”

I wrote three letters and the school never responded. I phoned the school last year but the director never returned my call. My oldest daughter’s school provided me with copies of her records which included a photo of me and a note from my ex-wife informing the school to please call the police if I appeared at the school for any reason. Since there were no orders preventing me from going to the school and obtaining my daughter’s records, the school could have been liable for damages if I was falsely imprisoned on behalf of my ex-wife’s “orders”. On September 28, 2010, I wrote a letter to my youngest daughter’s school stating, “Please note that there are no protective orders that prevent me from visiting my daughters’ school and any legal action taken against me based on the erroneous claims of the children’s mother, will be grounds for civil action.”

My statement was not menacing. Stating that I would take civil action against the school if the school did something illegal should not cause alarm; unless of course the school did something improper. Either way, there was nothing harassing about it. If the school would have complied with the Federal Educational Rights to Privacy Act and released my daughter’s information as required, there wouldn’t have been any problems. Now the school that didn’t want to get involved has to get involved, because people will have to testify as to what part of my “behavior” was threatening. If the school did find me to be threatening, why didn’t the school file for a protective order to protect the welfare of the children at the school? If the school exaggerated or fabricated their claims and their slanderous statement causes damages, they may be facing legal action.

Now my daughter’s future at that particular preschool hangs in the balance. The school claims that if I tell them that I will seek civil action if they do something illegal; they will expel my daughter. Their refusal to provide me with my daughter’s records is a violation of the Federal Educational Rights to Privacy Act. I guess in a way, it’s a form of extortion. “If you say that you are going to sue us for doing something illegal, then we will kick your daughter out of school and we will tell the Court that you are threatening us.” The people who believe that I may pose an emotional risk to my daughters are the same people who will kick my daughter out of school because I told the school that I will hold them legally accountable for illegal actions. Dr. Connor once claimed that I was the one who couldn’t communicate. Maybe no one else could understand me because I was being too rational. Who knows? I do know that I love my little girls more than anything and I will never stop fighting to protect their ability to grow up with both parents.