I have a lot to be thankful for on my birthday

I have been receiving many birthday greetings today from my friends on Facebook. Why am I getting so many greetings? It may have to do with the fact that they all love me; or it could be due to the fact that I have shamelessly plugged my birthday for the last couple days and I have reminded people not to forget to send their greetings to me. That's why I love my friends. They understand me. They understand it's not actually about the number of birthday well wishers, or my quest for the Facebook record of happy birthday greetings; it's just about nothing. A break from daily life to do something that is, for a lack of a better term, "innocently stupid".

This is the 2nd Annual Dan Brewington Birthday Greetingathon. I've advertised that all greetings will help protect the environment of the "endangered" Ohio River carp. There are probably as many carp in the Ohio River as there are rocks. If you find yourself thinking that it doesn't make sense, you are right on track. It makes no sense whatsoever. Why would a 37 year old man have a birthday greeting telethon to help save fish in the Ohio River that aren't even an endangered species? Because it makes some of my friends laugh. It makes some of them smile. I'm sure it makes some of them shake their heads and say "that's just Dan". Whatever the reaction is, my friends understand that it isn't about me; it's about us. I've received greetings from old friends and new friends, parents of friends (who are actually friends as well) and friends of friends that I don't really know. People are rolling up their sleeves for a minute of their day to be a part of something that is wonderfully non-sensical. The best birthday gift that I can receive (despite the obvious) is just the thought of knowing that I made someone smile during the course of their daily life. It's the least I can do for all of the support that my friends have given me over the past couple years. So in honor of all my gracious friends, don't forget to stop by on November 16, 2011 so you can attend the 3rd Annual Dan Brewington Birthday Greetingathon. I love you guys.

Happy 7th Birthday. Daddy wishes he could be there

My daughter Mary turns seven today and I still can't see her and her sister. I still have a long hard battle in front of me because no one will let me see the evidence behind the court's findings that I have the potential to cause harm to my children. How does a father prove that he is not a potential danger to his children? I have a flawless parenting record, I've never been accused of abusing or neglecting my daughters, and during the course of a 2 1/2 year divorce, no one tried to modify or restrict my parenting time.

Judge Humphrey took away my children because he said that I may have the potential to harm them. He referred to Dr. Connor's testimony but wouldn't allow me to see Dr. Connor's records. How can I prove that I won't do something bad in the future; especially when there is no evidence that I did anything wrong in the first place? Dr. Connor testified that he thought that I "may" begin to coach my children against their mother. He was allowed to say these kinds of things and I had no way to dispute them. For some reason the fact that I never did these things was not sufficient to prove that I wouldn't do them in the future.

My ex wanted me out of my daughters' lives so she and Dr. Connor entered into different contracts and then used them to obstruct my access to evidence. When I questioned it, they attacked me. They claimed that the contract was the normal contract that was signed at the beginning of custody evaluations. Dr. Connor claimed that I couldn’t understand his policies no matter how many times he explained it to me. At the last minute, they said, "Oops, it was a mistake. Our bad" and then they claimed that I was paranoid because I felt they conspired against me. Dr. Connor said crazy things like my writings were similar to those of individuals who commit horrendous crimes against their families. My ex claimed that I became so verbally abusive that she had to take the children into the bathroom, lock the door, and run water in the tub and sing songs to the girls to block out the yelling. How do you refute lies like that? Bring in an FBI profiler to study my writings? If my ex was that afraid of me, why didn't she call 911? She didn't have any problems having me arrested for calling the girls on the phone, which was in line with the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. Better yet, she told her story as if the locked bathroom door protected her and the children from terrible harm. As responsible parents, we always kept a key for the bathroom door handy in case the girls would lock themselves in. If her story was true, why wouldn’t I have unlocked the door? The better question is, if I was verbally abusive to the children or around the children, why was there no mention of my daughters ever being afraid or uncomfortable with me. In fact, Dr. Connor’s report stated that the girls were very comfortable with me and that I had excellent parenting skills. This is what I have to fight against. First they claimed that I didn't take the children to the doctor and then turned around and said that the only reason I took them to the doctor was to try to act like a primary parent. My ex said that the girls were not safe sleeping on the second floor at my house because I didn't properly block the steps. After I moved both of the girls' beds into my 15' x 25' bedroom and double gated the doorway, she expressed "concerns" about the girls' sleeping arrangements, but no one wanted to elaborate on what the "concerns" consisted of because there could be severe legal ramifications for "those kinds" of false accusations. When my ex claimed that I left firearms lying around the house after she filed for divorce, I bought a gun safe and moved my guns from the locked closet to the safe. Then I was accused of only getting the safe to appease her and she even listed the safe as a marital asset. In 2005, my ex called the police because she said I wouldn't let her leave with our daughter. When the police arrived, they made her leave, alone. When this was brought up in court, she and Dr. Connor claimed that the police officer, who is now the Sheriff of Ripley County, didn't ask her for her side of the story. When I received help from my mother during the divorce, they claimed I dumped my children on my mother. When my ex received help from her parents, they claimed it was necessary in order to help her out during the tough divorce. All of my "problems" were attributed to my "severe" ADHD. All of her problems were attributed to my "severe" ADHD. They said I did not take responsibility for my actions. They claimed that I was responsible for her problems. Now I have to overcome all of this without having access to the evidence that "supports" the allegations against me.

Here's my dilemma, for some reason showing up in court and demonstrating that I have never done any of the things that they say that I might do, is not a valid defense. No one ever claimed that I ever brought harm to my children; they just claimed that I "might" do it in the future. How long do I have to continue not harming or harassing people before a judge will determine that I am not going to begin to do the bad things that people are claiming that I “might” do? I don’t need a psychological evaluation; I need a fortune teller because I need someone who will testify that, in the future, I continue to conduct myself in a responsible and law abiding manner. Maybe by the time my daughters turn 18, people will realize that I have never nor will I ever do anything to hurt my children or anyone else. The people who are hurting my children are the people who are preventing my daughters from spending birthdays and holidays with their father. Happy 7^th Birthday Mary. I’m still the kind and loving father that I was before the mean people took your daddy away. For more history on my story, go to www.danhelpskids.com.

Children learn from Chilean miners story

I came across an article by Christina Zdanowicz on CNN.com titled, "Children learn from Chilean miners story." The article touched on how parents were using the news coverage of the rescue of the Chilean miners to teach their children lessons. One mother stated that she wanted her 3-year-old daughter to watch Claudio Acuna Cortes, the 26th miner, being raised to the surface. The mother wanted her daughter to see the miner's 2-year-old daughter crying as she waited for her father. "See that little girl? She has not seen her daddy for a long time. Could you imagine not seeing your daddy for a long time?" The woman's daughter said that the little girl on the TV looked sad and then asked for some paper and coloring materials and then drew a picture of the miner and his daughter. The little girl was crying in the drawing. The article went on to state:

"For the most part, it's not recommended that parents have kids watch news with them because there's so much bad news out there," said child psychologist Dawn Huebner, who has a private practice in Exeter, New Hampshire. "The visual images are so powerful for the kids. They stick more than just hearing it."

Huebner feels differently about the story of the miners, saying it's a "great idea" for parents to discuss the successful rescues, but they need to be careful about how they broach the subject. Hearing about how things can go wrong can often scare children, she said.

Even a 3-year-old understands the pain that a child suffers due to the inability to see a parent. Child Psychologists claim that the news coverage of the Chilean miner rescue can be used as an opportunity to teach young children about life. I wonder what my 4 and 6-year-old daughters would say? "I know how the miner's daughter feels because my sister and I haven't seen our daddy for over a year and we don't understand why."

The rescue of the Chilean miners is probably one of the greatest stories in my lifetime; a real miracle. Sometimes we lose perspective of what true feats of bravery and courage are. There are many underdog, feel good stories that leave a footprint in our lives. We often make movies about them. There's the small overachieving football player named Rudy who wanted to play for Notre Dame. There's the 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team that had us believing in "miracles." The movie "Hoosiers" was based on the biggest underdog since David; the 1954 Indiana High School Basketball champs from Milan High School. These are wonderful stories and events but if the teams lost, they packed it up and went home. In Chile, losing was not an option. There was no "better luck next time."

The Chilean miner story should be used as a teaching moment for children and adults. The story has been compared to that of the Apollo 13 mission. It should remind us how our mortality sometimes hinges on bravery, ingenuity, and perseverance. It should also serve as a reminder that we shouldn't take our loved ones for granted because we never know what tomorrow may bring. I hope that the people who believe that my daughters are better off not having a father are paying attention to the children on TV who are crying because they want to see their daddies come out of the mine. They didn't get to see their fathers for 70 days. My daughters haven't seen their daddy for 421 days. Don't worry girls, Daddy will keep fighting to be your dad.

For more information on a loving father, check out Dan Brewington on www.DanHelpsKids.com.

Now I am receiving fake letters from my daughters

I received “fake” letters from both of my daughters over the weekend. In over a year of not seeing my daughters, the letters were the most comprehensive updates that I received about the girls. Rather than receive a straight forward letter, letting me know about the progress of the girls, I received two letters that were written by someone else acting as if the girls wrote them. The letter “from” my four-year old daughter says things like, “I like to be independent and do things myself. I get aggravated when others try and help me with something I can do. If someone tries to help me, I will usually undo what they did and start over myself. That’s just me!”

I’m an adult. I don’t need a 700 word happy story to report the progress of my children. During the course of my 2 ½ year divorce, I received a written update every morning that I picked up the children. When Judge Humphrey terminated my visitation time and the girls’ mother stopped letting me speak to the children on the phone, I didn’t receive any updates on the girls for several months. Now I am finding out that they are losing teeth, growing bigger, and going bowling, through letters that are written by an adult who is acting like they are my children.

If I was working out of town it would be cute. If I was deployed in Afghanistan, it would be comforting. Considering that the letters are being written by someone who had me arrested for calling/texting in an effort to check on the welfare of my children; I find it insulting. Imagine how you would feel if the person who was working hard to keep you from your children was the same person writing letters pretending to be your children. What can I do about it? Nothing. I have to take it in stride. I can’t raise my voice and I can’t argue because everything I say WILL be used against me in a court of law. Even the stuff that I do not say is used against me. They even use the stuff that they speculate that I might say in the future.

I was once accused of trying to scheme and plot. No one ever explained what I was scheming and plotting to do. The only “plot” that I have ever worked on is my strategy to ensure that my children have the ability to grow up spending equal time with both parents. The other side has been “scheming and plotting” to devise a plan to shut the children’s father out of their lives, while writing feel good letters “from” the girls in an effort to keep me informed of what I am missing in my little girl’s lives. I love you girls. Daddy will always fight for the right to be your dad.

-Dan Brewington

www.danhelpskids.com

Update on DanHelpsKids.com

Check out the updates on www.DanHelpsKids.com. You can check out a copy of the criminal complaint that my ex-wife and her father filed against me because I tried to talk to my daughters on the phone. I also shared some war stories with some of the other prisoners in the Hamilton County Justice Center. No story would be complete without the antics of Dr. Edward J Connor and his attempts at trying to get me in trouble. If it wasn't for the fact that he hurts so many children, it would almost be amusing. Of course in the end the prosecutor recommended that the charge be dismissed because there wasn't any criminal activity on my part. Check it out.

Update on Getting back to the Girls

We finally got the appellate brief filed. It's a relief to have a lawyer that I feel comfortable with. Finding a good lawyer can be like finding a good bar/restaurant. There are sports bars with a billion TVs and there are unknown bars with one TV in the corner. One is expensive; one isn't. One bar is owned by a national chain and the other bar is owned by a family or a couple of friends. The national chain can rely on advertising and notoriety to bring in business; the small bar relies on reasonable prices and good service to keep business.

My first attorney was a female who came from a family of lawyers from Bateville, IN. She failed to submit the required information to Court. My second attorney was part of the firm Wood and Lamping in Cincinnati, OH. He claimed he did not know if Dr. Connor's report was bad because he was not a psychologist. He fired me (by email) after I picketed my first attorney's office. My first appellate attorney was a female from a large firm in Bloomington, IN. She didn't give me any idea about a strategy in handling the appeal. She said that she would represent me in the trial court but said I had to pay an additional $5000 retainer (in addition to the $5000 retainer she already received) for her to do so because she said it was separate from my appeal. She advised me to take down my website because it could anger judges. She later fired me (by email) because I wanted to raise the issue of judicial vindictiveness. No phone calls or questions, just fired me. She sent me an email stating, "The extension has been granted for filing your appellate brief to and including February 16. Hopefully, that will give you time to either obtain other counsel or prepare the brief yourself." Thanks. If I wanted to file it myself, I wouldn't have paid you $10,000 to review it, or whatever it was you said you did with the money before you fired me.

I was to the point where I was going to file my own appeal. I tried big firms, small firms, a male attorney, two female attorneys, out of town lawyers, etc... and all they did was take my money. I found the firms that claim that they fight for you often will fight for you unless it is inconvenient to them. I was to the point where I did not trust any lawyer in the state of Indiana; until I saw a post on Facebook.

I saw a post from a lawyer on Indydad.com's Facebook page. He said he was just moving out on his own and starting his own practice. He graduated from Notre Dame Law School in 2003. He grew up with divorced parents. He is the father of a young daughter. Sounded promising. I contacted the lawyer and he found my case compelling. He said he would accept my case so I sent him my information. Then we set up an appointment to meet near the courthouse so he could meet with me and then go review the court record. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that he accepted my case, reviewed my information, and drove over an hour to meet me and review the court record before he collected a dime. The best thing he did was listen to me.

I'm not a lawyer but I know a little about the law. This was the first Indiana attorney that I met that did not appear to be threatened by my knowledge of the law. He saw my internet postings as being informative; not threatening. He didn't say "this happens all the time." I felt that this was the guy.

My attorney filed the appellate brief yesterday and then called me today to talk about the strategy in going back to the trial court to get visitation from the girls. He too is puzzled about how the court can base its decision in terminating the time I have with the girls on the evaluation and testimony of Dr. Edward J Connor without allowing me to review Dr. Connor's case file. How can I fight something when I don't know what I am fighting against? Now I have someone who believes in me and someone who believes in right and wrong. I have a lawyer who is willing to get in the huddle and form a game plan. Strategy, what a novel idea. Why does the lawyer with the least professional experience seem to have the best understanding of the situation and the most passion? I feel that I not only found a good lawyer, but I found a good human being. I found out that going with big names and big money sometimes buys you expensive crappy service. I took a gamble on an unknown family establishment and received quality services from a person who cares.

I have a court date on June 14, 2010. Judge Humphrey said I needed an evaluation to see if I presented any danger to the children. Judge Humphrey said he had to approve any evaluator, so he scheduled a hearing three months after my attorney filed the motion to approve a psychiatrist. Judge Humphrey is really doing everything he can to expedite my ability to see my children. Hopefully my ex will agree to the evaluator in an effort to speed up the process of allowing the girls to have visitation. Probably not but I can always hope.

I knew this wasn't going to be an easy process but it's nice knowing that I have someone that I can trust. Dr. Connor's report nearly three years old and it's been nearly a year since his testimony. I haven't seen the girls since August 18, 2009. Judge Humphrey and my ex are going to have a hard time in continuing to make the argument that I "might" be dangerous when I haven't placed anyone in danger throughout the course of the divorce that began in January 2007. When will the "he mights" be replaced with the "he hasn't"? I hope that Judge Humphrey and my ex wife don't continue to make me defend myself against something that I "may" do because there is no defense to it. I can say George Clooney "may" drive a car through a crowed playground. I could pay a "professional expert" to evaluate George. The psychologist can say "Mr. Clooney's psychological profile is similar to individuals who have committed horrendous crimes against children." How does someone fight that? At least I have a good lawyer who will fight against the accusations of what I may be capable of doing. If you go by the facts of the record, I'm capable of caring for and loving my little girls. The longer I go without doing any of the things that Dr. Connor, Judge Humphrey, and my ex claim that I am capable of, only proves that they were either wrong about their suspicions or they were fabricating their stories and beliefs. Either way, it's time for them to stop fighting to keep two little girls fatherless, because my new attorney and I are not giving up on my little girls.